The Listmania Dialogues: More Pop Songs Owned By Movie Scenes

Inspired by (and definitely not hating on) The Onion AV Club's Inventory: 15 Pop Songs Owned By Movie Scenes, the management has decided to compile an expanded list of movie scenes that have utilized pop songs so effectively as to force that scene into your head every time you hear the song. However, unlike the usual bitch-and-moan fest decrying the source's "painful" or "criminal" omissions, this is more of a lark... an homage, even. Basically, it just seemed like a fun list to continue.

Like all lists, this one has certain rules and criteria. No songs created specifically for or first appearing in the film in question are included. So, for example, Harry Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'" (from Midnight Cowboy) and Jackson Browne's "Sombody's Baby" (from Fast Times at Ridgemont High) didn't make the cut. Also, no John Hughes. John Hughes is a list unto himself. I thought about barring Martin Scorsese and Quentin Tarantino for the same reason, but decided to include one slightly obscure pick from each instead. Also, period films that blatantly use on-the-nose period music to "capture the era" (like Stand by Me and, for the love of all that's holy, Forrest Fucking Gump) are pretty much ignored as well.

Now some of these are great songs that have, mostly for the worse, appeared in bad movies. That's one of the dangers of making even the most beloved tunes available to anyone who can swing a licensing fee. In fact, that's why most of the time, it's the bad movies that hog all the good music. Just look what happened to "I Say a Little Prayer for You."

Anyway, this list is intentionally number-free and just begging for additions...so have at it.

Peter Gabriel, "In Your Eyes," Say Anything
Well duh.

The Rolling Stones, "You Can't Always Get What You Want," The Big Chill
I know what I said about the overuse of period music, and this song certainly stands on its own, but the funeral scene in The Big Chill has forever stolen this one from me. Hey, I never said I was happy about all of these. I just see Jobeth Williams playing the organ and a long funeral procession whenever this tune starts.

Nico, "These Days"/Elliot Smith, "Needle in the Hay"/The Ramones, "Judy Is a Punk," The Royal Tenenbaums
Most people prefer the montage-o-rama approach of Rushmore, but this will always be my number one Wes Anderson film. If I had to choose one from this film, I would go with Gwinnie Paltrow getting off the bus in slow motion to the Nico track, but Richie's suicide attempt is also pitch-perfect thanks to "Needle in the Hay." (Tragically, at the time no one could have imagined just how perfect.) And the conversion of a private investigator's file into a raucous, Ramones-themed snog-fest is perhaps the film's funniest moment.

Lou Reed, "Perfect Day," Trainspotting
Mark Renton's descent into the cozy embrace of a near-overdose is brilliantly rendered when the floor litterally swallows him up, and Lou Reed's bittersweet ballad is the perfect soundtrack -- an irony-free ode to the brown lady herself.

Simon and Garfunkel, "The Only Living Boy in New York," Garden State
Say what you will about the film's meticulously angsty soundtrack, this unexpected selection from the Bridge Over Troubled Water album channels the astounding beauty and staggering lonliness of being young... as three beautiful, lonely people literally scream into the abyss.

Metallica, "Master of Puppets," Old School
A menacing black van tearing through parking lots on a kidnapping rampage is 100% funnier thanks to this ultra-fast 'Tally classic. Honorable mention to Frank the Tank blasting Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" while working on his non-street-legal Chevy.

The Comsat Angels, "I'm Falling," Real Genius
It could be argued that no one has ever heard this song without watching Real Genius, but that's only true here in the States. Of the innumerable studying/training/falling in love/rebuilding a car montages of the 1980s, this is the tops, thanks mainly to this surprisingly decent MOR new wave tune.

Van Halen, "Everybody Wants Some," Better Off Dead
Two words: claymation cheeseburger!

The Cars, "Moving in Stereo," Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Three words: Phoebe Cates's breasts!

Roy Orbison, "In Dreams," Blue Velvet
Dean Stockwell's ultra-bizarre lip-synch to this "dreamy" Orbison tune is nothing short of disturbing. And, as Frank Booth puts it in the film, it's "so fucking suave!"

Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Bad Moon Rising," An American Werewolf in London
All of the clever "moon" songs on the soundtrack ("Blue Moon," "Moondance," etc.) are worth a mention, but the very disconnect at the heart of this film, the friction between abject horror and winking humor, is perfectly captured by the Creedence classic. Upbeat as hell, the happy jangle is belied by the fearfully foreboding lyrics... adding the perfect frisson to Rick Baker's insanely inventive werewolf transformation scene.

Yes, "Heart of the Sunrise," Buffalo '66
Chris Squire's bass acrobatics lend just the right dizzying energy to the most jarring scene in the film: Vincent Gallo going batshit crazy with a revolver in a strip club.

The Church, "Under the Milky Way," Donnie Darko
This is the most subjective pick on the list, primarily because "The Killing Moon" and Tears for Fears's "Head Over Heels," which both feature in more memorable scenes, were already otherwise connected in my memory by the time I saw this film. More interesting, the scene associated with this song upon the film's initial release uses a different song ("Love Will Tear Us Apart") in the director's cut. Still, "Under the Milky Way," with its lack of vaunted cult status, is more effective at capturing that specific era.

Leonard Cohen, "Everybody Knows," Pump Up the Volume
This one can't really be tacked to any particular scene, as it was played at the beginning of each Hard Harry Hard-On pirate broadcast. Nonetheless, I'll never hear this song without imagining Christian Slater fiddling with his knobs and grabbing his microphone. Oh that's just so wrong.

The Revels, "Comanche," Pulp Fiction
Thanks to Quentin Tarantino, "Comanche" has supplanted "Duelling Banjos" as the soundtrack to hillbilly anal rape.

The Clash, "Janie Jones," Bringing Out the Dead
Martin Scorsese's uneven but unfairly maligned EMT movie plays out as a fever dream in Nicholas Gage's characteristically addled mind. This Clash barn-burner is the ideal accompaniment to a montage of speeding traffic and a general loss of mental control.

First Edition, "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)," The Big Lebowski
Arguably the funniest dream sequence in film history.

Queen, "Don't Stop Me Now," Shaun of the Dead
The official zombie-slaying music of World War Z. A bunch of people running around a pub, smacking zombies with pool cues and desperately trying to turn off the jukebox... all to the giddy triumphalism of mid-period Freddie Mercury.

T.Rex, "Cosmic Dancer," Billy Elliot
I'm not happy about it, but this song will forever conjure up some British kid jumping on the bed in slow motion.

The Righteous Brothers, "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," Top Gun/"Unchained Melody," Ghost
These are both unfortunate and self-explanatory. A possible explanation for Phil Spector's transition from eccentric to total meltdown.

Heart, "Magic Man," The Virgin Suicides
A one-note joke, perhaps, but "Magic Man" lends Josh Hartnett's strut down the school hallway an ideal combination of nostalgia, sleeze, and adolescent female lust.

Again, this list is by no means meant to be exhaustive. Please add some of your own.

I'm Ashamed of Myself

Anyone see Jackass Number Two? Remember the part when Bam Margera drinks the cup of horse ejaculate, and then realizes how utterly ashamed he is? That's how I feel about the last post on this site.

Have a great weekend.

Harry Potter and the Ass of Destiny

Recipe for nausea: One (1) pale, naked adolescent British "actor" who plays Harry Potter in the movies; one (1) fog machine.
Directions: Turn on fog machine. Place naked adolescent Harry Potter actor in the frame, ass to viewer. Take a picture. Repeat. Post picture on interwebs.

No amount of magic can make up for this. To paraphrase David Cross, stuff like this makes me hate our freedom.

Love Is a Four-Letter Word

In honor of Hallmark Da... er, Valentine's Day, AOL Music has launched The 69 Sexiest Songs... Ever! Full disclosure time: I am a contributor to the list. The best part is the radio station that accompanies the feature, because none other than the Queen of Porn herself, Jenna Jameson, acts as host. And she reads some of my blurbs, which means I can now honestly say that I put something sexual in Jenna Jameson's mouth. Only like... 15,000 guys on the planet can say that!

**SEMI-RELATED UPDATE** As if any of us needed another reason to steer clear of Alabama... the state courts have upheld a ban on dildos, vibrators, and any other contraption designed expressly for the stimulation of human genitalia. So you can own an assault rifle, and you can probably fuck/marry your cousin/grandmother/cow/cat, but no little rabbits for Alabamaniacs!

Some unrelated items:

Perennial NBA also-ran Tim Hardaway has, for reasons unknown, waded into the John Amaechi coming-out party to publicly proclaim that he, Tim Hardaway, is a fucking asshole. I'm unclear as to why a player of Hardaway's stature (i.e., very little) should think anyone cares about his opinion, but we got it anyway:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known," Hardaway said. "I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

Little Timmy looks like an even bigger asshole when his comments are contrasted with those of The Round Mound of Rebound, Sir Charles Barkley. When asked for his reaction to Amaechi's gaiety on ESPN's Pardon the Interruption, Chuck replied, "I could care less. I've got a ton of gay freinds, I've played with gay guys... It's no big deal whatsoever." In conclusion, Tim Hardaway just went from former player nobody cares about to hate-filled asswipe nobody cares about. So endeth your additional 15 minutes, dick.

***UPDATE*** NBA Commissioner David Stern has barred Tim Hardaway from all NBA All Star Weekend functions in Las Vegas this weekend, and has removed him as a spokesperson for the league. In a typically canny move, Stern is treating Hardaway like a leper at a buffet table, saying, "We removed him from representing us because we didn't think his comments were consistent with having anything to do with us."

***DOUBLE-SECRET PROBATION UPDATE*** From The Onion: "John Amaechi Comes Out as Former NBA Player"

Factory Records cofounder Tony Wilson has cancer. It would be tragic to lose Mr. Wilson... not to mention the irony of him dying this close to the release of the upcoming Ian Curtis biopic. So hang in there, Tony.

Finally, I encourage you to watch this, then learn all about Godzillan anatomy. [both via BoingBoing]

Happy day after Valentine's Day.

"I Learned It By Watching You!"

...and parents who have wine cellars...have kids who drink too much wine. Mine do, and I sure did this weekend. The annual parents' Valentine's Day soirée in Miami didn't end as badly as some of my "Partying with the Parents" weekends (in fact, I was passed out before midnight), but I'm still a little slow today. In that spirit, here's an unimaginative selection of booze-soaked MP3s...

CSS - "Alcohol"
Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"

Blame a genuine lack of inspiration for the grab-bag approach today; two tropical vacations in two weeks (boo hoo) have turned my brain to shit... and my skin to a fine, supple bronze. Suffice it to say there is no segue witty enough to do justice to...

The Female or Shemale Quiz!
(Laugh now gentlemen, but upon seeing your final score your levity will curdle to a feverish questioning of your sexual proclivities. Abandon hope, all ye who are not secure in their sexuality.)

Speaking of never having sex with a woman, the second annual New York Comic Con kicks off in less than two weeks. I will be in attendance, along with Brian the Designer. (Afterwards we shall undoubtedly drink heavily at the bowling alley in the Port Authority bus depot, where we will likely contract Hepatitis C.) I consider myself immune to charges of pimply faced geekhood by virtue of having some actual professional interest in the procedings. At least, that's what I'm telling Kim The Awesome Girlfriend and anyone else with a vagina... as if "comic book critic" represents some quantum leap in fuckability. But...there may be hope for my professional/practical credentials as a functioning sexual being after all: Later this week AOL Music is launching its "69 Sexiest Songs of All Time" feature, and guess who's a major contributor! Someday I hope to be a bigger sexpert than Eugene Mirman.